And now, a moment of transparency

I have an entire series of posts ready to go next week about following your dream. About how if it’s in your heart, it’s there because God probably put it there. It’s a rather inspiring series if I do say so myself.

Let me preface all those posts by saying following what God has put in your heart is hard. We take something he has for us and we twist it because we are less perfect than his plan. My life is crazy right now. Business is growing steadily. It takes an amazing amount of hours to pull off this business I am the exclusive source of that production. But I continue to add on because I’m not content with just paying the bills. I want to create something that will support my family for decades to come and provide a lasting legacy for my kids if they want to do the same thing. We’re also new to Legacy Fellowship and it needs a huge amount of work to get the Legacy Kids program to what I think God is calling it to be. Somewhere in there I also have the greatest family anyone could ask for. A beautiful wife I don’t deserve and three truly incredible boys that I don’t spend near enough time with.

I take all this each day and I bury it under my facade of “having it all together.” You need something done? Of course I can do it. I’m Superman after all. If I bury it deep enough, it doesn’t bother me. But sometimes I’m forced to give voice to my doubts. When I admit out loud that I can’t hold this weight I’m carrying forever it scares me. I can handle this pace for a while longer. I’m young, after all. This is what youth is for, right? I’ll sleep when I’m old. But I’m under no delusions that I can do this forever.

Then I look at my calendar and realize every hour of the upcoming weekend is booked. Literally. I always get great advice from people when these times come. You have to take off. You have to relax. Heck, the Bible even says to relax. When would that be? It’s not during the Monday through Friday, eight to ???? grind. It’s not very many Saturdays due to many upcoming weddings and usually getting ready for Sunday teaching. Sunday mornings are good but definitely not relaxing. Sunday afternoons are usually my only respite from the rush.

I think it’s because two of my biggest time-consumers in life are in awkward stages. The business is growing but it’s not nearly to the point where it can support any other employees to take the load off. Likewise with Legacy. It’s growing but it’s not to the point yet that there are enough service-minded people to take any of the load off. The joys of awkward stages. I thought I was done with those when I finished being a teenager.

This is my day today.


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