Or, the more blatantly shock-value oriented title, The one where Craig Groeschel rips my heart out for the world to see.
First, go read this.
And there, in that short post, is where my heart is forcibly removed from my chest. It takes everything I’ve been feeling and going through in the past few months and puts it in a few short paragraphs.
My margin is gone. I’ve been struggling with my ministry role at Legacy. It’s not a lack of interest or ability that’s getting me. No, I have more dreams about what we can do at Legacy than I know what to do with. And I really believe God has given me the skills to implement those dreams. And yet it isn’t happening. I’ve been struggling just to get everything organized and done.
And it’s all because my margin of time is gone. With the move, the business necessarily had to grow to cover the higher cost of living here. I didn’t do a very good job of counting the cost that increase in business would take on my time. My time for ministry has changed dramatically. I won’t say it’s disappeared, just changed. I consider my daily interactions to be a huge part of my ministry. I get to meet and interact with a ton of interesting people every week. Through those conversations comes lots of ministry opportunities.
Outside of that, however, my time is gone. I’ve had to work hard to carve out time to even see my family. That’s meant putting a few things on the back burner, both with business and church. I’ll continue to do that, because my family is more important than either of those and I’m realizing I’ve been neglecting them.
So where does that leave Legacy? I honestly don’t know yet. I don’t want to be the one holding anything back. And right now I’m holding back certain areas of our ministry. Everyone tells me it’s not a failure on my part, but they’ve clearly never spent time in my head. The upside is, we’re working on it. I give Tony huge amounts of credit as a leader. He sees that my time situation has changed and is making adjustments so we can be most effective in our ministry. As soon as we get a better picture of how it will all shake out I’ll let you know.
And thanks to the boys at the Swerve blog for putting into words what I’ve been struggling with and praying about for a few months now.
This post pairs well with “Don’t Work?!”, cold pizza and plenty of guilt.