My blog stares at me, beckoning me to write something, but the words just aren’t there right now. I have few rough ideas for future posts, but they’ll have to keep for now. The last weeks have been, well, crazy.
We finally arrived back home last Thursday after Bryan’s funeral. The weeks leading up to it were tumultuous to say the least. Now that we’re back, I’m discovering it will take a lot longer to recover from than I first thought. Something like that is traumatic on a lot of levels that I didn’t recognize until the storm had settled. My grandma passed away just over a year ago. It was sad, but not unexpected. She was in her 90s and was suffering from Alzheimer’s. Something like Bryan’s case, so young and so quick, that takes a little time to figure out and recover from.
I’m also writing a short book about the last two months. It’s partially our story and partially my way of expressing what I’ve learned about suffering in that time. Writing is very therapeutic for me, thus the existence of this blog in the first place. But, all that means I don’t have a lot of words left in me for the blog for the foreseeable future.
Add to all that a trip to the emergency room last night. The doctor feared Colton had pneumonia, so we had to do all the various scans and test on him. It seems like we dodged the pneumonia bullet for now, but we still need prayer that he gets better and it doesn’t spread to the rest of us.
While we were in the ER, I posted on Twitter, “God loves us and is in control. Sometimes that has to be enough because sometimes that’s all we get.” That really sums up what I’m feeling these days. I’m tired, and a little punch drunk from all the disasters happening. But, underlying all the pain, sadness and worry, is the understanding that God is in control. His love of us means this is all for our good. It’s the cool current flowing beneath the stormy seas of our lives right now.
We just opened the window in my office. The cool breeze is blowing in and I’m hopeful for what the next few months holds.