Freely given

Am I the only one that starts to pray for something and then stops to mentally weigh my good actions versus sins over the last week or so? Why do we do that? I know in my heart that God’s love is freely given. Whether he answers my particular requests or not is based on what is best for me. And yet I still, to this day, keep a mental tally in the back of my head as though it will somehow influence the outcome of my prayers.

When will I finally understand that even my “good deeds” are nothing to a completely Holy God? Even those deeds would not have happened if he hadn’t willed them to and helped my sinful soul do something right. So even those good actions are credited to him and do not speak of my own worth.

This is a problem for me even after so many years of knowing God. I hope one day this knowledge will make its way from by brain into my soul so I will really live in the fact that God’s grace and mercy are freely given. Freely given means it can’t be bought. But I still try.

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